Before they took me away from you
They asked me one question
Under blaring lights, beeping sounds
An IV dripping through the tubes,
They drew more blood as they went on
“What do you want to do with your baby’s body?
Bury her? Cremate her? Where do her remains go?”
My lips froze. My teeth clenched
A body. Her body.
I wasn’t getting a baby but a body.
Around me, blank eyes urge me for an answer
Anger wells deep down though I can’t speak
My arms twitched from the needles poking out
Nurses in blue scrubs hovering over
Checking every vital sign on me
Pressing down on my body, hurting me with each prick
Through this pain, I’m longing to hold her.
One last time, I want to hold her.
Let her expire in my grasp
Let her know me for once in that short life
With no answer they like, they wheel me out
Leave me wallowing in the sadness alone
And when I come around, they bring me the box
Full of ashes that once were a life I wanted
No bright eyes, no tiny hands, no soft breathes
Not even a body to cradle and love
This box is all I’ll get. It’s all I ever want now.
I clutch it close, push everyone else away
Holding my baby for as long as I’m conscious
Cithara Patra
Cithara Patra currently lives in NC with their family, traveling between there and Texas. They spend much of their time writing and studying languages. They’re fond of reading all kinds of things, from romance to horror. . They’re also a big fan of things from the ocean, dachshunds, and making brand new meals. In their spare time, they travel with their family around the city and check out brand new restaurants and places to eat.