just before the first birds start to twitter & tweet
& the first cars & trucks start to make that noise that they make
on the street
in the hour that comes between 4 & 5 in the morning
sometimes I feel stretched as thin as that
and all I can do is sit on the floor
naked
or dressed
(it don't matter which)
sit on the floor with my knees drawn up to my chest
my arms folded all peaceful like around my legs
my cheek resting all gentle like against my arms
& I rock myself
rock & rock awhile
real tender like
but then when I go to get up
my knees hurt like hell
but life goes on
& nobody really gives a shit
if your knees ache or whatever
if your life feels useless
or whatever
that's what he told me
some guy/old coworker I used to know
he lost his job once
& he lived in a house with no hot water
no electricity
the roof caving in
but he didn't care
he just said whatever
now I hear he's got a job
helping the mentally disabled
he drives them around & takes them places & shit
& he's happy
so he says
& the mentally disabled woman
who lives in the apt downstairs
she told me yesterday she's pregnant
& that when she told him
the baby's father said he was gay
but she just said whatever
& dumped him but that's okay
the state will pay her bills & shit
so she can still have her baby okay
& I'm supposed to meet up with another woman
another old coworker/friend of mine
in the park later today
she had a stroke last year but that's okay
her kids are real good to her she says
they help her out a lot
& she's happy
they drive her around & take her places & shit
so whatever
anyway
I was thinking these things
from 4 till 5 in the morning
rocking
rocking
like some stupid doll that got broken
only not the right way
Simon Ott
Simon Ott lives and works in a small town in rural Pennsylvania.